Using the Consultant Cycle in Your Everyday Life
Using the Consultant Cycle in Your Everyday Life While Planning Your Daughter’s Wedding or as I like to refer to it…Avoiding the Bridezilla Moments!
by Tracy Ouellette,
PAC Scheduling Coordinator
We have been planning the wedding for about a year now, every little detail has been discussed, rearranged, and discussed again.
We had already decided on the venue, the rest would fall into place so easily, or so I thought. Fast forward to six months later, decisions needed to be made. The typical conversation was something like this:
Cait: Mom, I don’t know if I should go with cranberry or maroon
Me: Just pick one they are basically the same color
Cait: The maroon is a deeper shade, but I like the cranberry
Me: I think you should go with Cranberry
Cait: But the maroon would go better with the shade of gray we picked
Me: Then just go with Maroon, you are wasting too much time and energy on this, I have more important things to do
From this one simple conversation Bridezilla was born. Looking back on this exchange I realized that I birthed Bridezilla. Bridezilla was born out of fear and anxiety, she grew from a place of not being validated, from a place of emotional distress. I quickly recognized what had happened.
First thing I did was apologize. Oh goodness, I was not wrong because the shades were extremely close, but I needed to apologize for the way I made her feel, like this was not important and a waste of my time. I realized that I needed to respond and not react to what I thought was a simple decision. Cait does not have a wedding party, I should have realized her unmet need, the emotional distress caused by her feeling alone because she did not have a friend to mindlessly chat hours on end about the difference between the two shades. Cait is a visual learner, I know that, but I did nothing to support it.
I am happy to say that the wedding is in four weeks, everything has been planned, picked out, and we are all excited for the wedding day. And here is why, since the dreaded color scheme conversation here is how I revisited the conversation and how the rest of our conversations went from that point on:
Me: Hey Cait, I am so sorry about yesterday, do you think you might have some time today to look at the color options? Would tomorrow be better?
Cait: (Big Sigh) Fine, let’s do it now
Me: Perfect. So, it seems to me that you are definite on the shade of gray (can’t change this piece of the puzzle as the suit for the groom has been purchased) why don’t we get a swatch of the two colors and see the contrast against the gray?
I liked the cranberry, but I know better than to say “I think or I like,” instead I lead with “now that you can see the actual colors together which do you prefer?" Of course, she picks the maroon…. I just smile and praise her for exquisite taste….. Bridezilla has left the building!
Tracy Ouellette supports Positive Approach through the coordination of speaking and training events for the PAC speakers and the PAC Mentor/Trainers. She serves as a liaison for organizations and individuals who wish to learn more about the PAC philosophy to make a positive difference in the lives of persons and families affected by dementia. Tracy also works with our certified community as the recertification coordinator. Prior to joining Positive Approach, Tracy worked as a medical assistant for a senior living facility for over six years focused on care coordination as liaison with residents, families and front-line staff. Responsibilities also included staff scheduling, training and care planning for assisted living residents as well as memory care residents. Tracy also spent over 20 years in the corporate world as a community outreach coordinator for a large electrical contractor that was very involved in the community. In addition, her responsibilities also included payroll, scheduling, and other administrative duties. Tracy has a solid background in administration and more recently in the medical field focused on medical care services. She is a graduate of Sanford Brown College.