Lauren With A Side of Lewy

Lauren With A Side of Lewy post page

Online Dementia Journal

By Online Dementia JournalMay 15th, 2019

Lauren With A Side of Lewy


by Lauren U, PAC Core Team

This has been a difficult month for me. I'm not sure what is going on. Writing about it seems strange. I feel disengaged, disinterested, and apathetic. How then do I even come forward enough to tell anyone about it? 

My husband asks what is wrong? Am I sad? Depressed? Angry? Worried? Scared? All I can say is I don't really know. I just feel bad. I don't know why.

I don't want to exercise. I don't want to go out. I don't want to socialize. I don't want to talk. I don't want to get out of bed. I have even less focus and concentration than usual. Words, sentences, and conversations float above me and I don't get interested or involved.

I know it's selfish. But still, I'm stuck. Being stuck usually means I want something to change. Being stuck here in my emptiness and indifference fits me nicely for now though. I like to be fun, friendly, and cooperative. Today I need an "Out of Order" sign to warn others. Maybe this will pass.

Lauren U is a member of the Positive Approach to Care (PAC) Core Team. She was a registered nurse with the ANCC Board Certification in Psychiatry for 30 years. Now she is the keeper of the frolic. Lauren has been living with Lewy Body Dementia (love how they add "with behavioral disturbance") for over five years. She currently lives in Northern California with her professor husband, Eddy. PAC agrees with Lauren – that she is delightful!

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